Been thinking about things a lot lately. Mostly I have been thinking about people putting other people down in a bid to make themselves feel better about themselves. I dont get it. How can can making someone feel small possibly make you feel better about yourself?
I never got it in high school, I never got it when the whole school yard mums started their clicky little groups and I sure as hell dont get it on the social sites. Its like as adults we log in and automatically regress back to our high school years. For those that were bullied for being different in any way shape or form, one or the other happens.
Either they go in social ville with the smile on their faces they learnt to use as armour. They will continue to care and empathise with others. They will celebrate with others their joys and accomplishments. Or the opposite happens. They became the bully themselves. Constantly putting down anyone that has an opinion. Belittling others every opportunity they can or laughing at someones woes. All this in a bid to become popular and therefore validating who they are and have become.
Then you have the ones that never learnt that being a bully at high school was not ok behaviour and continue to be mean, belittle and harass. As they have aged they have become more and more bitter and twisted as they lose any friends they have made along the way. Never accepting that it is Their OWN behaviour that has driven people away. The social networks have just given them more modes of continuing their bullying ways. Made them more aggressive as they taunt from the safety of their homes or offices.
I wonder why we do this to ourselves on a daily basis. Allow people we dont know, will probably never know to be a part of our lives. share in our happiness and low times. Why do we continue to give these people the power to continually have us feel like we are worthless. Whats worse is when its someone we do know and all of a sudden we are being treated abysmally and we STILL continue to share with them our daily life/thoughts and actions.
More and more lately I am becoming jaded with the whole networking thing. I keep telling myself for every bully I encounter there have been so many more wonderful souls that I never would of had the pleasure of meeting any other way. For every person that is more interested in their friends or followers count there are plenty more that are kindred spirits.
I have 2 friends in particular, one lives on the opposite side of the world the other the other side of the country. Both I have known and spoken with for over a decade. Both i will probably never meet in person. And both mean the world to me when I was first diagnozed with cancer one of the first people that called me up and offered their support was one of these friends. She has talked with me listened to me when times were hard. In turn I have listened to her while she worked through her marriage breakdown and now health issues. Both I never would of have the opportunity to know if it werent for chance meetings on a social site.
So theres the bitter pill, do I weed through and make the decision quicker to not feel small. Listen to hubby when he says I am too nice to people for my own good and use the block option. I know that sound like a simple decision to so many out there. I am learning to let my bitch out occasionally but I still find blocking people a hard thing to do. Each time I have, I beat myself up for days. Telling my self I am too judgmental, too sensitive. The funny thing is, is once I have made the decision I always feel so much better for it. So why do I beat myself up over it?
♥
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