Together for 21 years means we have been together for over half of our lives. Pretty scary when you think about it that way. So many people were warning us to not rush into marriage, I had after all never had another boyfriend. My response to everyone of them was if it ain't broke why would I try to fix it! Besides it took me 17 years to find A guy I liked enough to go out with let alone fall in love with, it was a safe bet I was extremely picky and could possibly go another 17 years before I found someone else I liked enough. While many said it wont last. We ignored the comments cocooned in our love for each other we had blinkers on to anything negative.
We started out pretty much the same as any couple really. Inseparable, we spent every spare moment of our budding relationship in each others pocket. We wed, bought the standard first home moved away from family and started our own.
Before we knew what had happened to our budding romance, we had evolved into harried first time parents with a seriously ill child and over the next decade went through the motions of married life. Life became a new kind of normal with regular time apart due to hospital stays with the lad and weekend working, Oscar busy with his job, keeping the house running often left us going for a few days only speaking to each other by phone or leaving messages to each other on the kitchen bench. We found we needed to spend time apart even holidaying occasionally separately to cope with the stresses and help us to remember what we were doing it all for.
More recently though with the kids hitting teens, my finding work at more married/family friendly hours, not to mention almost 4 years surgery free for the lad, we have had a chance to rediscover each other. We have remembered what it was that drew us to each other in the first place. Discovered new sides to each other that have endeared us to each other more.
When I had my surgery 2 years ago, I think it really bought it home to both of us how this was not a dress rehearsal. With Oscar having to care for me post op and take on a more active role in raising the kids, it gave us the chance to slow down and reconnect. Not many people can say that cancer has a positive side to it in any way, but for us it was in some ways. Not only did we slow down, but we stopped working against each other. We stopped worrying about what other people thought of how we lived our lives and in many ways that in its self helped our marriage.
We have now got to that place again where neither of us is wanting to holiday without the other to have that break from the strains. Instead of going away to deal with stress, we are turning to each other for strength to make it through any problems.
This entire weekend has been wonderful. Saturday after a lazy start to the day only doing the essential jobs needed to be done, the 2 of us treated our selves to the gold lounge to watch Thor. The kids stayed home and did their thing and we bought chicken treat home to them. Saturday night we sat out the back and had a couple of drinks and laughed and talked. Oscar had declined an offer to go deep sea fishing, which if you knew him would understand how much he loves/eats/sleeps/breaths the ocean in any form you would understand what a huge thing it was for him to say no. I told him to go and spend the day with his mate, if you knew how much over the years I had resented the ocean and mates you would understand how big that was too.
So today was our anniversary and we spent it separately. I awoke to find a bouquet of flowers and the most beautiful card waiting for me (he had bought it when he was supposedly out buying bait). The kids and I went and visited with my sister then the kids stayed for a sleep over. This afternoon was spent just the 2 of us unraveling one of his reels, talking about things that dont really matter, laughing at something silly that happened today. Then it was off for Chinese dinner, before an early night for Oscar before he starts a month with a doubled work load.
Quite possibly this has been one of the top 10 weekends ever. We are coming full circle and becoming friends again and in doing so rekindling that spark that began all those years ago. While none of us ever know whats around the corner, tonight though I am so pleased our mutual stubbornness kept us slogging on through those difficult years. Grateful we never fully lost that spark. Mostly though i am Just happy I am still in love with my childhood sweetheart 21 years later.
I dont for one moment think it was just meant to be, Marriage is bloody hard work, sometimes people arent so lucky to get through as unscathed and to be honest if either of us werent as stubborn as we are, I very much doubt we would be here today. I am just really grateful we are.
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