Texting Codes for us more mature people=oP

ATD--- -at the doctor.

BFF -----best friend fell.

BTW ----bring the wheelchair.

BYOT ---bring your own teeth.

FWIW --forgot where I was.

GGPBL- -gotta go, pacemaker battery low.

GHA -----got heartburn again.

IMHO ----is my hearing aid on?

LMDO ----laughing my dentures out.

OMMR ---on my massage recliner.

TTYL -----talk to you louder!

ROFLACGU --rolling on floor laughing and can't get up.

Been MIA lately

So I have been a bit MIA lately. I have been in a bit of a rut. This is always dangerous cause it  leaves me thinking.

Been thinking about things a lot lately. Mostly I have been thinking about people putting other people down  in a bid to make themselves feel better about themselves. I dont get it. How can can making someone feel small possibly make you feel better about yourself?

I never got it in high school, I never got it when the whole school yard mums started their clicky little groups and I sure as hell dont get it on the social sites. Its like as adults we log in and automatically regress back to our high school years. For those that were bullied for being different in any way shape or form, one or the other happens.

Either they go in social ville with the smile on their faces they learnt to use as armour. They will continue to care and empathise with others. They will celebrate with others their joys and accomplishments. Or the opposite happens. They became the bully themselves. Constantly putting down anyone that has an opinion. Belittling others every opportunity they can or laughing at someones woes. All this in a bid to become popular and therefore validating who they are and have become.

Then you have the ones that never learnt that being a bully at high school was not ok behaviour and continue to be mean, belittle and harass. As they have aged they have become more and more bitter and twisted as they  lose any friends they have made along the way. Never accepting that it is Their OWN behaviour that has driven people away. The social networks have just given them more modes of continuing their bullying ways. Made them more aggressive as they taunt from the safety of their homes or offices.

I wonder why we do this to ourselves on a daily  basis. Allow people we dont know, will probably never know to be a part of our lives. share in our happiness and low times. Why do we continue to give these people the power to continually have us feel like we are worthless. Whats worse is when its someone we do know and all of a sudden we are being treated abysmally and we STILL continue to share with them our daily life/thoughts and actions.

More and more lately I am becoming jaded with the whole networking thing. I keep telling myself for every bully I encounter there have been so many more wonderful souls that I never would of had the pleasure of meeting any other way. For every  person that is more interested in their friends or followers count there are plenty more that are kindred spirits.

I have 2 friends in particular,  one lives on the opposite side of the  world the other the other side of the country. Both I have known and spoken with for over a decade. Both i will probably never meet in person. And both mean the world to me when I was first diagnozed with cancer one of the first people that called me up and  offered their support was one of these friends. She has talked with me listened to me when times were hard. In turn I have  listened to her while she worked through her marriage breakdown and now health issues. Both I never would of have the opportunity to know if it werent for chance meetings on a social site.

So theres the bitter pill, do I weed through and make the decision quicker to not feel small.  Listen to hubby when he says I am too nice to people for my own good and use the block option. I know that sound like a simple decision to  so many out there. I am learning to let my bitch out occasionally but I still find blocking people a hard thing to do. Each time I have, I beat myself up for days. Telling my self I am too judgmental, too sensitive. The funny thing is, is once I have made the decision I always feel so much better for it. So why do I beat myself up  over it? 

♥

sisters

We fight, we argue, have pulled each others hair, 
Scratched at each others eyes. 
We dont always see the world the same way, 
Have different goals in life and walk different paths now.
But my sisters are my sisters.


We have each others back when knives are drawn by others 
And pull each other up when we fall. 
I love my sisters inspite of our differences, 
And probably because of them.
Because my sisters are my sisters.


We have times when we dont like each other,
We have moments when we are each others best friend.
I rarely appreciate them enough, 
Or tell them that I love them enough.
So I say now I love my sisters for being my sisters

Rediscovering that Spark

Hard to believe it really, I mean in this day and age it really is becoming a bit of a rarity. I never would of believed I would be one of the very lucky ones. A decade ago I think I would of laughed if you said we would be here today, but today Oscar and I celebrated 18 years of marriage.

Together for 21 years means we have been together for over half of our lives. Pretty scary when you think about it that way. So many people were warning us to not rush into marriage, I had after all never had another boyfriend. My response to everyone of them was if it ain't broke why would I try to fix it! Besides it took me 17 years to find A guy I liked enough to go out with let alone fall in love with, it was a safe bet I was extremely picky and could possibly go another 17 years before I found someone else I liked enough. While many said it wont last. We ignored the comments cocooned in our love for each other we had blinkers on to anything negative.

We started out pretty much the same as any couple really. Inseparable, we spent every spare moment of our budding relationship in each others pocket. We wed, bought the standard first home moved away  from family and started our own.

Before we knew what had happened to our budding romance, we had evolved into  harried first time parents with a seriously ill child and over the next decade went through the motions of married life. Life became a new kind of normal with regular time apart due to hospital stays with the lad and weekend working, Oscar busy with his job, keeping the house  running often left us going for a few days only speaking to each other by phone or leaving messages to each other on the kitchen bench. We found we needed to spend time apart even holidaying occasionally separately to cope with the stresses and help us to remember what we were doing it all for.

More recently though with the kids hitting teens, my finding work at more married/family friendly hours, not to mention almost 4 years surgery free for the lad, we have had a chance to rediscover each other. We have remembered what it was that drew us to each other in the first place. Discovered new sides to each other that have endeared us to each other more.

When I had my surgery 2 years ago, I think it really bought it home to both of us how this was not a dress rehearsal. With Oscar having to care for me post op and take on a more active role in raising the kids, it gave us the chance to slow down and reconnect. Not many people can say that cancer has a positive side to it in any way, but for us it was in some ways. Not only did we slow down, but we stopped working against each other. We stopped worrying about what other people thought of how we lived our lives and in many ways that in its self helped our marriage.

We have now got to that place again where neither of us is wanting to holiday without the other to have that break from the strains. Instead of going away to deal with stress, we are turning to each other for strength to make it through any problems.

This entire weekend has been wonderful. Saturday after a lazy start to the day  only doing the essential jobs needed to be done, the 2 of us treated our selves to the gold lounge to watch Thor. The kids stayed home and did their thing and we bought chicken treat home to them. Saturday night we sat out the back and had a couple of drinks and laughed and talked. Oscar had declined an offer to go deep sea fishing, which if you knew him would understand how much he loves/eats/sleeps/breaths the ocean in any form you would understand what a huge thing it was for him to say no. I told him to go and spend the day with his mate, if you knew how much over the years I had resented the ocean and mates you would understand how big that was too.

So today was our anniversary and we spent it separately. I awoke to find a bouquet of flowers and the most beautiful card waiting for me (he had bought it when he was supposedly out buying bait). The kids and I went and visited with my sister then the kids stayed for a sleep over. This afternoon was spent just the 2 of us unraveling one of his reels, talking about things that dont really matter, laughing at something silly that happened today. Then it was off for Chinese dinner, before an early night for Oscar before he starts a month with a doubled work load.

Quite possibly this has been one of the top 10 weekends ever. We are coming full circle and becoming friends again and in doing so rekindling  that spark that began all those years ago. While none of us ever know whats around the corner, tonight though I am so pleased our mutual stubbornness  kept us slogging on through those difficult years. Grateful we never fully lost that spark. Mostly though i am Just happy I am still in love with my childhood sweetheart 21 years later.

I dont for one moment think it was just meant to be, Marriage is bloody hard work, sometimes people arent so lucky to get through as unscathed and to be honest if either of us werent as stubborn as we are, I very much doubt we would be here today. I am just really grateful we are.

Dawn service

Dawn Service was as inspiring as it was emotional this morning. I was taken aback at just how many people were there. I had missed the past 2 services due to illness and while there were a few at the services back then I cant ever remember it being quite so packed. The number of teens turning up on their own in its self was amazing, then to see them all just standing there soaking up the solemn  atmosphere, standing silently along side  each other and the elderly  all dressed in their suits, proudly displaying their medals is a testament to our nations pride.

As usual I teared up at the beginning of the service when they started talking about the  history of the Dawn service, then again as the soldier started playing on his bugle the last stand. That song never fails to pull at the heart strings. It is such a lonely song. I think it reminds me these days of my own Grand parents now as well. Both Poppa and Granddad fought in ww2. Both carried with them so many issues for the rest of their lives.
At those services I both miss them terribly and feel them close by, perhaps as I age it is just that I am appreciating how much I took for granted as a kid. I loved hearing their war stories-the real war stories. I never stopped to think back then  that I wouldnt get to hear them talk about their lives forever And its only lately I am starting to appreciate just how much what they went through changed who they were and can understand  some of the things they did.
Happy ANZAC Day. If your not from Australia or New Zealand, still take the time to reflect and honour those that made and still make sacrifices so that we are free to have the opinions we have. whether you agree with the  things going on today or not, just take a moment to thank the families that miss out on birthdays, christenings or even sharing a weekend breakfast so we can  do those things with our own families.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Urtiyp-G6jY&feature=fvwrel

Ode of Remembrance

Easter Sunday is almost over. Today was more about rest and relaxation for  this house hold. This is the first time since kids we didnt do the egg hunt. Just a couple of eggs and money. Thats what Easter has been reduced to. we watched  old movies, messed around on the computer, then off to the shops so the kids can go decide what they want to spend their money on.
We did go to the carnival last night for the fireworks, that was brilliant.

 20 minutes of pretty flashy lights all the appropriate oohs and aahhs then pack up the blanket and home to bed.

This year  though, Easter fell at the same time as ANZAC Day. (Australian New Zealand Army Corp). An important date to most Australians, right up there with Australia Day. Each year the  size of the old diggers and vets gets smaller, but we all take a moment to think of the ones that never made it home and thank those that did.
So today instead of talking about the joys of easter or any mishaps going on in our lives, I am just going to say Thank you.
Thank you to all of the  men and women that fought for our country, that still fight for our country. Thank you to all the Husbands, wives and children that are home making it through every day trying not to think about the what ifs. Each and everyone of these peoples sacrifices big or small allow me to be able to sit here and  enjoy my own family with freedom of oppression.


Happy ANZAC Day to all Aussies and Kiwis. 

They went with songs to the battle, they were young.

 Straight of limb, true of eyes, steady and aglow.

 They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted,

 They fell with their faces to the foe.

 They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:

 Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.

 At the going down of the sun and in the morning,

We will remember them.

I  have been  so lucky to be awarded twice the versatile blogger award by 2 of my top 10 favourite Bloggers http://mymummydaze.blogspot.com/ and http://potsygirl29.blogspot.com/  Both of which are entertaining and insightful as they share their amazing stories. So stealing the Phrase from dear ol Molly "do your selves a favour" and go and check them out.

In return for winning this award I am to share 7 facts about myself that you would otherwise not know.

1. I am incredibly shy. As an adult I have learnt to shield that shyness with rituals I observe religiously to get my mind in the right frame to deal with situations I find physically painful. when in a new situation I am the quiet wall flower until I find my center. At most family and friend gatherings I am found in the kitchen doing dishes, cause not many people go in to do the dirty work.

2. I am about 90% computer illiterate. Yep thats right I have mastered log on, shut down and thats about it. I still dont know if I am doing this  blog post right. It will be an adventure for us all  =oP.

3. I am super competitive with myself but not so much with other people. I dont really like team games cause I dont care if I lose to other people. I have always excelled at solitary sports and never been much of a team player.

4. I have dealt with clinical depression since I was a teen. I have been on and off anti depressants since then. Post natal depression made life unbearable sometimes. 

5. As  kid and even into my teens I had no plans to ever get married or have kids of my own. Even when I fell pregnant for the first time it was more because it was expected of me. My dad even figured I would never get married and taught me how to rebuild a car engine, change a tyre and do basic handyman  jobs, because at my 17th birthday, I had yet to even have a boyfriend but both my younger sisters had been dating for years. The day I held my baby though I took my competitive nature to a new level and  have been trying to better my parenting skills since. I may not be the most openly maternal mother but I would pull out my own heart  to keep my kids alive.

6. Spiders terrify me. At the age of 7 my oldest became in charge of saving mum from scary spiders=oP.

& lucky number 

7. while I am not religious I am deeply spiritual. I find the whole religious thing a very personal thing so rarely speak about it. I am happy to let other people have their own opinions and beliefs and would never presume to contradict their convictions because at the end of the day it gives them comfort, and at the end of the day thats what it is all about. But I do find I get frustrated when I see people that should know better vilifying another persons beliefs.

Furthermore, as part of accepting this Versatile Blogger Award I am invited to award the title to 15 other bloggers that I have newly discovered.

As a very new to this all blogger, Every one of my bloggers I follow are newly discovered, So I will go with the ones that post most often since I started following them or have made my day with their clever musings and insights. Again I hope this is all working =oP

 http://www.woogsworld.com/

 http://yarnivorous.blogspot.com/

 http://mispoetic-debbiestevens.blogspot.com/

 http://bogueliving.blogspot.com/

 http://nonsequiturrising.blogspot.com/

 http://azureofsuburbia.blogspot.com/

 http://grumbling-dragon.blogspot.com/

 http://withthepoodlesalready.blogspot.com/

 http://www.wanderlustlust.com/

 http://tracymicheleunplugged.blogspot.com/

 http://wishonawhisker.blogspot.com/

 http://thiscatholicmom.blogspot.com/

 http://bethsayswhatishouldhavesaid.blogspot.com/

and of course we cant forget

 http://mymummydaze.blogspot.com/

&

 http://potsygirl29.blogspot.com/

These are all awesome blogs in their own right. I follow a different range of blogs, and these awardees cover that range. Explore the amazing posts of these different people for their honesty, photography, craftiness, humour, inspiration, anecdotes and kitchen table wisdom. While you're there, make sure you congratulate them on their award!

Unfair

I woke this morning feeling bright cheerful and full of positive energy. I think I am going to have to stop reading my emails. I know people say lifes not fair, but really how can it  be this unfair.

My sister is going  to a funeral today. She  is soldiering on for her own son that has  leukemia.  Not a common strain yet the same week he was diagnosed so to was a little boy we will just name Angel in waiting. both went through the trials of drs having to readjust strengths of treatment. While my nephew fought on last year  with  the swine flu which almost killed him in its self Angel in waiting managed to get through a little easier. 

Both mums formed a bond in those first few weeks that could not be broken. they became each others sounding boards and cheer squads. No matter what time of the day or night they could call each other and cry when it got too much. 

No one truely understood what they were going through like each other did!

Last week during  one of their many trips to their second home my sister and nephew met up with their fellow soldiers once again chatted quietly as Angel in waiting had had a rought time the last couple of months and  had  been a guest  at PMH for some time now. saying their goodbyes and  a promise to see each other again at the next visit My sister and nephew left. An hour later they got the text to say, he had passed suddenly♥

So today my sister and nephew are going to a funeral again. Too many already little tiny boxes they  go to witness and say their final goodbyes. My sister has been asked to sit with Angel in waitings  mum at the funeral, she knows she has to give this one last bit of support to a woman who now has a giant hole in her soul.

Only 6 years ago she got her first taste of cancer as an adult. Her mother in law was diagnozed with breast cancer. After a year long battle her mother in law was declared in remission. Not even a year ago she was told she hit her 5 year mark of being cancer free. The family celebrated such a victory. A new baby into the family added to the celebration of life. Things seemed to be finally looking up for all. 

Last night, they were packing to go camping  for a few days over easter and get away from the stress that today will be,  her husband got the call from his distraught mum saying that she had been diagnozed with the rare form of cancer in the back that killed her father. So far they dont know how far it has spread they have to wait till next week to get some answers. So on top of today, dealing with the very real threat that she may lose her own angel, my sister is now left  worrying over the weekend about her mother in law and being a shoulder forher husband.

Life isnt just unfair, its down right cruel sometimes!

Today was a good day.

Today was one of the best days I have had in such a long time. I felt like myself again. Its been too long. I think I am getting my head around things easier lately. saw my MIL today, she made her standard thoughtless comment or 3 and I laughed each off but still pulled her up on it(politely). Maybe I am winning the hormonal war or at least learning new battle plans that are less challenging to all.=oP. If anything today when she said what she said all I saw was a woman that just seems to be completely clueless when it comes to understanding something that she her self is not going through and it hit me, she has no imagination! How sad that must be to live through life and not see all the possibilities  flashing through your mind.


 Its not that she means to be callous, she honestly doesnt realize  that sometimes things she says hurt because she honestly cant imagine  what it would be like, so I decided today instead of getting upset at her and then stewing on it for days and making everyones lives  harder, its an opportunity to get closer to her and still be treated with respect and compassion. It may not work, but at the end of the day laughing it off is a hell of a lot less stressful than getting angry or crying. Who knows one day  she may become a kindrid spirit♥..


Ok so I am stretching lol, but I can imagine that possibility =o) 


Ok hippy new age moment over. I will leave you all while I go explore the cosmos a bit longer.

Wasted Day

Completely wasted today and I am happy about it. The next 7 to 8 weeks are going to be flat out for hubster with work. He needed the rest and it hasnt done me any harm to be able to just potter around and get a few odd jobs done before the kids go on break and  my routine is shot to hell. Easter is almost here with ANZAC day entwined into the same weekend. That means for many Aussies they have a 5 day break this year. Hubster has 3 and still has to pop in for a couple of hours on one of his days off. we arent doing much so theres no worries about  messing up plans anyways.

These next few weeks is going to give us a taste of what our life is going to be like for the next 9-12 months. As the year goes on hubster will have so much more to organize with the change of location for his work.   machinery worth millions and the size of mac trucks will have to be moved to their new home a little over 100 km away. while still keeping productivity loss to a minimum. Staff will be juggled between 2 locations for  a few months. Hubster is going to be taking on more and more work related responsibilities, so I have already resigned myself to the fact that I will packing the house up and sorting out the logistics of changing schools, homes myself while keeping the family running like clockwork while we will most likely be living separately during the week for a few weeks or so. 

Moving date is yet to be decided, but we have been told anywhere between November and February. Joy we will probably spend Christmas day with the house completely boxed up. I just hope I dont end up packing up pressies bought early in my bid to get value for money with sales a few months earlier.

It wont be all bad though. At least I wont have to  waste my time with Christmas trees and decorating. I will be so focused on moving I wont have time to  get all stressed about the family politics on who I have to spend the most time with on the day. I already have a 0 care factor with Christmas this year when it comes to  keeping  both sides of the family happy. Truth be known I am already looking forward to next years Christmas. Our first Xmas in our brand new home. I have already made it very clear we will not be travelling up to see any family on the Christmas break that first year. If anyone wants to come down that will be wonderful. But that first Christmas will be sacred for me.

Usually already I am thinking how I can juggle christmas day so both side of the family dont get narky at us but still be home early enough for us to be able to enjoy our kids. with hubster usually only having the one day off after working weeks doing 70+hrs a week, I didnt think it was too much to ask that we get to spend that one day enjoying each other and relaxing… How wrong could I be lol.

This year has been great everytime it crosses my mind I just think really Old Girl you really want to add pressure to your self??? We will be where we are told to be when we get there and if anyone has a problem with it then they can come pack a box for me =oP

today has been about relaxing, recharging and rejuvenating(not to mention farming lol) Let the fun and games of the next week begin♥

Aging Ungracefully

I turn that nasty number at the end of the year… you know the one, it starts with a 4 & ends with an O MG! and it seems like my body is falling apart in protest. I hear people say you should age gracefully. Your kidding right, Me be graceful! My nickname as a kid was rightly calamity jane. I dont see why old age should change that.

It all started gradually, aches here and there. I found myself groaning when I got up out of a chair one day, how sad is that. After my hysterectomy after being  diagnosed with OC I thought on at least I have one less thing  to deal with,  no more ladies time. Yey, whoo hoo. I almost had a party about that one =o) But no in snuck early menopause the week later. so on top of dealing with post op issues I now turn into  my own private radiator, complete with thermostat problems. 

Went to the doc after  putting up with bad headaches and really sore neck and now they are saying  wear and tear on the joints, bones are slightly smaller than they should be so have to work harder to hold up my head(and no my head is NOT too big as hubby helpfully suggested=oP.) 

So now I have a little hormone implant the size of a grain of rice in my belly to help keep the thermostat working, take a pill to relax the neck, A pill to reduce the brain banging & yet another pill to stop the kaleidescope rainbows happening in my eyes. Soon I will rattle when I walk thats if I dont need my grannies walking frame before I hit 4 OMG!

Till then I’m going to go put on my big girl support panties and go deal with what ever comes my way in my own unique style. It may not be pretty, but at least I will have some laughs along the way. 

Today I did a bit of gardening, whooptey doo I hear you all say we all have gardening to do I hear, its not a big deal and yes normally I would agree. Its been so long since I just pottered around in the garden though. pulling a few weeds turning up some soil and planting a few plants. Up until 2 years ago it was not all that uncommon to find me wandering around my garden, talking to my Luc giggling at her when she would go lay in a hole I had just dug to put in a new plant. After surgery though  digging was a big no no.  Since then with other health issues its just been easier to not go out and risk  being laid up for days after.


We pulled down the big kiddy pool out the back yesterday. Well I pulled it down and the kids helped me to fold it up and pack it away. What was left was a big yellow compacted circle in my back yard. For months now I have been saying since the grass never grew back from last year we should make it a big native garden out the back . Hide the ugly fence and make the back yard more inviting. Hubby did not like this idea at all. What is it about men and wanting  an entire yard of nothing but lawns? Lawns are boring, they require weekly mowing and to keep them green need more water than we are allowed to give them. Hubby loves to potter around the garden  all the time and normally I just let him go and do what he pleases. He does after all do the mowing,  keeps the fertilizing up and prunes the poor plants to death, so why shouldn't the choice be his as to what goes in.


The thing is we are sell in  a little under a year and  there is just so much work that really needs to be done to make the place look presentable. More and more people are looking for low maintenance gardens. Water wise gardens are becoming so popular with the water restrictions so tight these days. and while I do love the English garden style with lots of blooms and rolling lawns, They just require too much water.


So there I was at 8am after just getting the kiddies off to school. breakfast dishes done, dolled up in my daggy baggies and old straw hat digging away to my hearts content.  Pulling weeds that had been left to grow wild since the pool had gone up 4 months ago. There they are I think to myself, I found my lemon grevillea's under the  grass and that bloody ivy(morning glory), that seems to be covering my entire suburb, no matter how much we all poison it! They are now waist height and bushing up nicely after buying them no more than  knee height  mid winter last year. Next comes  turning the compact soil... so far so good, then thwack. Ouch  my wrist is now jarred. Digging tentatively thinking I had found one of the sprinkler pipes I find a  long metal pipe has been belted into the soil. It was probably 2 feet long and at least a foot deep into the soil and very rusted so who knows how long ago it was buried. but we have had the house for close to 2 decades and never put anything in that section of the yard. 

By 10 am it was far too hot to be out there digging any more. My back ached, my wrist  was tender, I was sweating like the proverbial pig and I was itching all over from my allergy to that bloody vine. But I also had a smile on my face, felt more energized than I had in ages. Not to mention a kind of satisfaction in knowing I was well on my way to making my native hideaway corner looking  absolutely fantastic. A place where the birds will come each morning and night to refresh, feed and relax. A place where I can have a small nook with a comfy chair and read while feeling like I am surrounded by nature. I will also be able to look at it with pride when its all done, knowing I did it all by my self and it is exactly the way I want it.


I pick up the lad in half an hour for his early finish for school. Poor lad doesnt realize he has volunteered to go native plant shopping this afternoon. He is a good sport though and wont mind too much. Tomorrow I can start placing them and  deciding where they should go. Then Wednesday before the rains get here I will hopefully of finished and can get started on  working lawn runners into the rest of the yellow sand and pacify dear hubby with a small lawn peace offering=o)

Operation Letting Go

Well My youngest turned 14 the other day. How time has flown. On Friday I was a little sentimental thinking of how fast the time has gone, then thinking about how much time I have wasted with petty things like jealousy, competing, and plain ol feeling sorry for myself. So this weekend I have used the free time(Jnr is living on his xbox) to reflect on things. I must say its been the kick in the pants I have needed to get back on track with a few things. 


Its time to  get back on my path, stop feeling sorry for myself. Dont worry  if other people have  nicer houses or prettier clothes and who really cares if  someone has a nicer car, seems to have things fall in their laps or tends to  go through life not realizing how lucky they have it. I am one of the luckiest people on this planet. I have a hubby that loves me and doesnt bore me by being too easy to manipulate. I have 2 gorgeous boys who are so much smarter than me, are caring individuals and have decent self esteem. I have a roof over my head, yes its small but so is my mortage =o) I have a car, it doesnt brake down (often) and it gets me from A to Z with  all the other letters along the way. I have wonderful friends both old and new who let me be me without trying to change me. I am meeting new kindred spirits each week who enrich my life just by being in it. Best of all I have my life back. So time to move on and let the old crap go. So this week coming is about just that. Letting go and moving forward.


Yesterday I pulled out all my spirituality  notes and started reading through them again. It was interesting to see where  my journey was travelling pre life changes. While some of the things that I held dear were still the same, the path was a little different to the one I seem to be on now, so the view has changed. since I lost my beautiful Luci lui I have found  myself all out of kilter and I still miss her terribly even though its been almost a year. I can now talk about her and not burst into tears. Even though my heart breaks from missing her still I can now feel comfort when thinking of her.


The last few weeks I have been dreaming of her, waking up feeling like she is with me again. So perhaps its her way of letting me know she knows she isnt being replaced, that she will always be my first familiar and forever in my heart. Soon I will find  my new familiar. When the time is right it will happen.


This is something I wrote the day I had to say goodbye to her. She may be just a cat to others but to me she was my world. Just to explain how much a part of my life she had become. Also  she is my first project in operation letting go.
My baby
You came into my life, a happy surprise Just as I started out my new life as a married woman.
We spent hours those first few years together playing, cuddling and you even traveled with me on vacations. You made laugh then you made me feel loved unconditionally.

You settled in to our first home with us a few months into our relationship, lording it over the big black guy that came to live with us. Then when we moved to the country for a few years, you came along too. You kept me company in those lonely couple of years. First time away from my family, first time with out any friends near by. I found adjusting difficult, but there you were at the end of each day, looking at me with love and understanding. letting me know in your own way it was all ok.

Then came along Trent. your looked at me with disgust as you laid on my swollen belly only to be pushed around and kicked from within. When i bought Him home you quickly took on the role of watcher. where ever he was, you were never far away. Through those first few months when i struggled silently with post natal depression you comforted me endlessly and tirelessly during those few years, you became my best friend in a place i felt so isolated and scared in. Then along can Ashley. Once again you looked at me with accusing eyes as my stomach kicked you as we snuggled close. 

You moved on back to our home here in Rockingham taking the 2 hour stop over as the car broke down in the middle of no where in your stride. Pregnant with Ash car packed to the brim, big black guy getting restless in the back of the wagon. screaming toddler, frustrated hubby. and you just looked at me thinking what is the fuss all about. Again you where my constant companion through severe depression. you helped me through a really dark time in my life. I will always love you for that.

You accepted with reluctance the small black guy, although you never bonded with him, you protected him when dogs attacked him in the street with out question. you showed him spiritedly when he tried to show who was boss of the house that this was just not going to fly.Then the day came for Duke the big black guy to find his bone in the sky came. He left a massive hole in all our lives. But there you were snuggling into the boys doing what you do best. healing broken hearts!

Then a few weeks later you took exception to the new addition to the family. The blonde bomb shell come into our lives like a massive fluffy explosion. At first you were determined to not let her into your life, but when her jaw was broken and she needed to be fed with a syringe for weeks, there you were over seeing my treatment plans for her. While you never openly showed her affection, you excepted her as part of the family.

The last 2 years, you have once again been my constant companion as i went through one of the scariest times of my life. you spent days with me in bed. Every once in a while coming up to let me know you were there. Cuddling in and weaving your healing magic.

Over the past few years you have slowed down considerably though still letting it be known you are the boss of the house, still traveling with us on holidays. and still loving me unconditionally As I build up my courage to do what i know needs to be done very soon, I am finding myself remembering all those moments i will forever cherish. You will leave a space in my heart that cant never be replaced, a hole in my life i dont think will ever be filled.

To others you may be just a cat, a pet and I am silly to be this upset But to me you were my best friend through some very traumatic times in my life. some times the only one. You were my companion through all the major mile stones in my life. Simply you are and forever my baby girl. 

I dont for one minute care what anyone thinks of my love for you or how silly it may seem to them. what ever time we have left you have my unconditional love.♥

karmic justice

Living with a teen I feel is karmic justice for  putting our own parents through the wringer as we negotiated the hormonal roller coaster called puberty. Of course we thought we were completely justified for our outbursts... Our parents just didn't understand what we were going through after all! Its not like they understand how tragic our love life was, nor did they get that our lives would be truly ruined if we had to wear those trainers to school and of course my favourite, I was going to die from embarrassment if my dad speaks again in public!

Now I have 2 teens of my own, granted they are of the male species so technically I have it easier. While so far the youngest is still in the infancy age of demon in training the eldest is in full swing of his apprenticeship and I think about to graduate with flying colours with extra top marks for having such a dramatic life. I have come to realize 1 major truth with parenting. This parenting teens is hard bloomin work!

Not only do we have to research and keep up to date with the how to  parenting 101, we strive to be better than our own floundering parents were, or eat our own words (when I am a mum I will never do that with MY kids)!  We have to have the memory of an elephant and  pull up  incidences of our own youthful capers. Try to unravel the memory all twisted with time and look at it from a parents perspective. We have to think ahead and see the next problem before it happens(not unlike the toddler years) and fix it or  move the dangerous object away before it becomes an issue. To do this we use our own experiences to spot the hazard, which is where I am having trouble right now.

I never dated while in school, not because my folks wouldnt let me,  more because I was so incredibly shy and well the male of the species just annoyed me till was about 17(I was a late bloomer). I grew up with lots of boy cousins who took great pleasure in teasing me or being the butt of their practical jokes, but as I got older they were also very protective of me so any boy that did look my way was quickly "encouraged" to find a new interest. Growing up I seemed to  get along better with boys than girls. I didnt get the whole double meanings. I didn't feel I was pretty enough to hang out with the girls most of the time. Even  my girl cousins I felt out of my depth, they were so pretty, smart and seemed to be so worldly. In short I was the loner.

This is probably why I am floundering a bit with my kids with the whole girlfriend thing. You would think being a female I would have the inside track, but no when it comes to  the whole gf/ bf thing I am sadly lacking in  experience and wisdom.

My oldest, The Lad, is 15 and started dating a year ago. Who knew it would be as nerve racking for us the parents  as it is for the  kids? Its a constant worry even for the parent of a male. Putting aside the whole making sure they understand how important protected sex side of things, we have emotions to deal with. All happy and  easy to get along with when things are going smoothly. When the girl decides its break time we get the moody monster of mood swings. Even when they both decide  they  are better off as friends for now you get Jeckle and Hyde moving in for a time.

We cant protect their hearts forever and I dont want to ever become the  obsessively protective mother from hell. I encourage my kids to talk to me, no mater how embarrassing it may be to either of us. But I am finding  its not as easy to give advice when own teen experiences in this field are so sadly lacking. My first real boyfriend at 17, I married him at the tender age of 21. Its not like I have life experiences  in that arena to take from. I am winging it by the seat of my pants. Doing my best to think practically and use some common sense. I know I have and will make more mistakes, hopefully not enough to have my child die of embarrassment though♥ 

I Am One Hot Woman!

Yep I am one hot woman. How many of us ladies ever get to say that out loud and actually mean what they say? I can tell you up until the last year or so I never would of been able to say that with out sarcasm dripping from the statement. Last Night at 2am I woke up and though man I am hot, so darn hot I sizzle! This morning woke again and thought to myself I am so darn hot it hurts! Menopause during summer time is one of natures cruel twists and with mother nature going through her own menopause at the moment I think she has decided that her fellow aging beauties must  feel her pain also.


Man its hot here. Not even 8am and already I am sitting here melting away. We just experienced our hottest summer on record in the Aussie state of Western Australia. Now its Autumn, almost through March and its already been the hottest March on record for us. Yesterday the weather man said that we should be expecting these high temps through to at least mid April. Looks like the Poor Easter Bunny will get a taste of what  dear jolly Ol Santa has to deal with every year when dropping off the goodies to  all of the good little girls and boys.


Really I sometimes kick myself for complaining. Here I am whining and whinging cause I want it to rain here, yet our buddies on the east coast have been  through a hell of a summer. Actually I dont think summer reached them this year. Drought stricken states have had record rains, Flash flooding's to  cope with constantly  since well before Christmas and just this week, yet another lot of flash flooding and  more loss of life. On top of that they experienced one of the most powerful cyclones to ever hit mainland Aussie. If thats not enough they have a small earth quake just days after the Japanese Earthquake. Honestly whats next for them? 


Everyone here on the West coast  feels empathy and  compassion for our East coast family, But honestly, it is sometimes hard to  look at all that rain and water the news crew are showing us and not think, hey just a little bit of that wet stuff would be great here. Each time the weather man says the temp and a chance of a storm I actually laugh out loud. 


Things got exciting a couple of weeks ago, a massive storm front came through. suburb no more than a 10 min drive from us were getting rain. My Brother in laws house  was severely damaged  an hour away up in the hills and we were hearing reports on the radio that there were  flash flooding due to the amount of rain dropped. Hubster and I sat out side watching the storm clouds surrounding us. marveling at the  darkness of the clouds. We were anticipating  our first dancing in the rain for the entire summer. All that excitement and an hour later its all gone. where is this rain? I got exactly 3 drops on my head and that was it!!!! 


Come on Mother nature do you have to be this cruel? I am not asking much, as much as I would love a blizzard right now a couple of days rain and cooler weather is not a big ask is it! Think of your fellow aging beauty she is in need of respite and in all honesty the people in her world are not as forgiving when she erupts. She isnt given  the same level of empathy when she weeps. She sure as heck doesn't have  the people in her world  wonder about her in awe of her massive mood swings. 


So how bout you give a grumpy old gal a break and cool it just a smidge, cause this old broad is finding being a hot woman not all its cracked up to be.
♥

I am a hoarder

At the end of the year we will be moving down south to a small country town. I am really looking forward to the  sea change. when I think about anything to do with the move,  the house hunting,  moving into a new community and forging  a new lifestyle. It leaves me feeling an excitement I haven't felt in years. To be honest there are parts of me that are a little scared of the changes to come as well though.


We have lived in the same house  raising  2 kids for the past 14 years. My youngest has never known another house. We have lived close to family and while sometimes it was a blessing other times it felt a little claustrophobic having my privacy invaded on terms that weren't my own. The kids have known mostly the same friends since their first days in kindy. We live in a city but they went to a small school with less than 150 students, so were pretty insulated over their formative years. With the multiple hospital stays for the oldest lad we had to keep after school activities to a minimum. Moving on to High school was a challenge for the oldest, moving on to a school of 1000 plus students was  hard  to adjust to. Missing out on some times months of school in a year he struggled with the work load expected of him. Year 10 he hit his niche with the help of a few amazing teachers and finding a group of great friends. Now a girlfriend or 2 later he is really hitting his stride with his education and social skills.


We have known about this move for a year at least and each of us are preparing in our own ways. The kids have gone from  excitement to  dreading and back to excitement again. Hubby is so preoccupied with the stresses of moving a large company to another site and community.  Sorting out nervous staff issues, keep moral and productivity up for those that have decided to not move with and will be looking for new employment in the future has become a job in itself. While I have been introducing myself to the art of de-cluttering a life time.


I am  hoarder! I am the  daughter of a hoarder and the grand daughter of a hoarder. I keep everything for just in case I need it again in 20 years. Now last year I started going through cupboards and throwing things out, like baby clothes which were packed off to good sammys. Broken toys I had fond memories attached to were even given the boot. Boxes of files such as wedding preparation details and old bills from a decade ago were swallowed by the wheelie bin.


As I went on my confidence grew at what I tossed out the door. Still, My tiny house looked  over crowded. We will be buying a bigger house I will have to  fill spaces with old trinkets still after all. The start of this year I decided to become more ruthless with my  de-cluttering and filled  Mr wheelie bin several times.  Only stopping my toss out frenzy when the lid no longer shut on the green gobbling monster.


Today  the shelf at the top of my bed room wardrobe was my mission. Old Blankets folded and stored needed to be restored properly. Boxes of baby things nothing special, but Mr  wheelie was hungry. A box of vcr tapes... we dont even own a vcr any more. Burp goes Mr Wheelie, "that was tasty". Then came time to go through the jumpers(sweaters). I just scooped the lot of them off the shelf and onto the floor. coughing and sneezing at the dust that flew up I  started to go through the pile.  This is when I found I still had Jumpers from  as far back as the very early 90's. This wont do. Sweats and shawls that had been folded and pushed to the back for when I loose the baby weight obviously were never going to fit again, nor would I wear the big ol sweat shirt with the shoulder pads a grid iron player was surely looking for! 


3 large trash bags later Mr  wheelie is now full, but wait! what do I do with this old hat box. the one that has my wedding keepsakes. The clip on jewels that I wore on my shoes long since tossed. the horse shoe lucky charms I carried as I walked towards my  intended. The spare silk stockings I bought to wear if the first pair ran. Do I toss or dont I toss?


How ruthless do I want to be? It is just a small hat box after all. It doesn't take up much room, its not hurting anyone. I have a photo album full of picks that show the day for everyone to see, why do I need these  things?


I pick up the box and sit on my bed going through everything. A couple of the  horse shoe charms have lost their shape and  fraying. maybe it is time to throw it all out. They have sat there for close to 17 years and haven't  been really looked at. I pick up the pack of silk stockings the plastic cover as  started to get a little brittle and holes here and there, they will obviously never be worn. The shoe jewels the bling has started to tarnish and stain the silk white bows. I pick them up and feel over them. Putting them all back in the box except the 2 broken charms, I put the lid back on and slide it back on the shelf. 


One day I might get rid of them, but for today they still remind me of a time I was so in love. A time when I was still full of excitement but a little scared for the future and the new life we would be forging together. Then I think of our move down south coming, I smile and feel that familiar excitement for  our future. Yep the wedding keepsakes stay for now.