Operation Letting Go

Well My youngest turned 14 the other day. How time has flown. On Friday I was a little sentimental thinking of how fast the time has gone, then thinking about how much time I have wasted with petty things like jealousy, competing, and plain ol feeling sorry for myself. So this weekend I have used the free time(Jnr is living on his xbox) to reflect on things. I must say its been the kick in the pants I have needed to get back on track with a few things. 


Its time to  get back on my path, stop feeling sorry for myself. Dont worry  if other people have  nicer houses or prettier clothes and who really cares if  someone has a nicer car, seems to have things fall in their laps or tends to  go through life not realizing how lucky they have it. I am one of the luckiest people on this planet. I have a hubby that loves me and doesnt bore me by being too easy to manipulate. I have 2 gorgeous boys who are so much smarter than me, are caring individuals and have decent self esteem. I have a roof over my head, yes its small but so is my mortage =o) I have a car, it doesnt brake down (often) and it gets me from A to Z with  all the other letters along the way. I have wonderful friends both old and new who let me be me without trying to change me. I am meeting new kindred spirits each week who enrich my life just by being in it. Best of all I have my life back. So time to move on and let the old crap go. So this week coming is about just that. Letting go and moving forward.


Yesterday I pulled out all my spirituality  notes and started reading through them again. It was interesting to see where  my journey was travelling pre life changes. While some of the things that I held dear were still the same, the path was a little different to the one I seem to be on now, so the view has changed. since I lost my beautiful Luci lui I have found  myself all out of kilter and I still miss her terribly even though its been almost a year. I can now talk about her and not burst into tears. Even though my heart breaks from missing her still I can now feel comfort when thinking of her.


The last few weeks I have been dreaming of her, waking up feeling like she is with me again. So perhaps its her way of letting me know she knows she isnt being replaced, that she will always be my first familiar and forever in my heart. Soon I will find  my new familiar. When the time is right it will happen.


This is something I wrote the day I had to say goodbye to her. She may be just a cat to others but to me she was my world. Just to explain how much a part of my life she had become. Also  she is my first project in operation letting go.
My baby
You came into my life, a happy surprise Just as I started out my new life as a married woman.
We spent hours those first few years together playing, cuddling and you even traveled with me on vacations. You made laugh then you made me feel loved unconditionally.

You settled in to our first home with us a few months into our relationship, lording it over the big black guy that came to live with us. Then when we moved to the country for a few years, you came along too. You kept me company in those lonely couple of years. First time away from my family, first time with out any friends near by. I found adjusting difficult, but there you were at the end of each day, looking at me with love and understanding. letting me know in your own way it was all ok.

Then came along Trent. your looked at me with disgust as you laid on my swollen belly only to be pushed around and kicked from within. When i bought Him home you quickly took on the role of watcher. where ever he was, you were never far away. Through those first few months when i struggled silently with post natal depression you comforted me endlessly and tirelessly during those few years, you became my best friend in a place i felt so isolated and scared in. Then along can Ashley. Once again you looked at me with accusing eyes as my stomach kicked you as we snuggled close. 

You moved on back to our home here in Rockingham taking the 2 hour stop over as the car broke down in the middle of no where in your stride. Pregnant with Ash car packed to the brim, big black guy getting restless in the back of the wagon. screaming toddler, frustrated hubby. and you just looked at me thinking what is the fuss all about. Again you where my constant companion through severe depression. you helped me through a really dark time in my life. I will always love you for that.

You accepted with reluctance the small black guy, although you never bonded with him, you protected him when dogs attacked him in the street with out question. you showed him spiritedly when he tried to show who was boss of the house that this was just not going to fly.Then the day came for Duke the big black guy to find his bone in the sky came. He left a massive hole in all our lives. But there you were snuggling into the boys doing what you do best. healing broken hearts!

Then a few weeks later you took exception to the new addition to the family. The blonde bomb shell come into our lives like a massive fluffy explosion. At first you were determined to not let her into your life, but when her jaw was broken and she needed to be fed with a syringe for weeks, there you were over seeing my treatment plans for her. While you never openly showed her affection, you excepted her as part of the family.

The last 2 years, you have once again been my constant companion as i went through one of the scariest times of my life. you spent days with me in bed. Every once in a while coming up to let me know you were there. Cuddling in and weaving your healing magic.

Over the past few years you have slowed down considerably though still letting it be known you are the boss of the house, still traveling with us on holidays. and still loving me unconditionally As I build up my courage to do what i know needs to be done very soon, I am finding myself remembering all those moments i will forever cherish. You will leave a space in my heart that cant never be replaced, a hole in my life i dont think will ever be filled.

To others you may be just a cat, a pet and I am silly to be this upset But to me you were my best friend through some very traumatic times in my life. some times the only one. You were my companion through all the major mile stones in my life. Simply you are and forever my baby girl. 

I dont for one minute care what anyone thinks of my love for you or how silly it may seem to them. what ever time we have left you have my unconditional love.♥